It all started after the loss of a soul that meant everything to me. I learned the foe of all greatness. He use to walk around my life with darkness in his eyes and I was young and naive, I wanted everything to myself. I walked around like I own everything and all he did was to watch me. Dad’s little soldier learning everything under the arms of his father. God watched me closely and realize the lack of growth and do as the black book say better. Took dad and the darkness in the eyes of pain ran into my life. I cried every night and but my tears never bought him back. I’ve never believed that people change but my family turned into unspoken words. It felt scary to hear their wishes of us. If someone deserve apology then my mother deserve all the love. Pain had us all dripping down like we too old to be living. The dark wishes I was warned about but still I loved and never wish back the same.
Everybody noticed my capabilities, then I lost notes to the hands of true friends and we never spoke again until they needed help. Anger never taught me better I hoped they also learned the same but it was never enough for me to go without the source. Anger aroused from numbers I made trying to keep the smile on the treasures God kept safe for me, those who have always seen light ahead of the tunnels on the road. Always gave nasty ideas and stood up the ground for my piece of mind, I had the whole school missing classes and I took the blame in front of the law. My mom warned me but I guess dad was not stubborn enough to lead so I took his position. Never made it to the prom night twice, no matter the desire. I always thought is such useless moments that will only last in the photo album.
Eventually the older I get, the more I start to realize the language of the universe. Lately I’ve discovered that survival is hidden behind diplomas on the wall and that very few haven’t notice they’re not alive. So I developed confidence from telling my mind and everyone started calling me genius. I’m too sorry to tell that most of people call me good and motivating because they fear the truth and taking risks and life with no adventure is a dull life. I’m not yet old but I’ve grown enough to understand that the wealth for my loved once faded away with The Man, always thought we still have it all but more days of no tea came like the thirsty sun. I declined everything no matter the pain and the thirst in the eyes of everyone. It’s up to me to make it big now, I just hope all that I know is enough than I think it is.
I was angry youth off betrayal and loneliness when I wrote The One Widow. I turned my whole anger into revenge hoping it’ll hurt them better but bitterness always backfires. I got couple of good comments and the need of the second version. I’m too sad to tell that I’m not happy with every word in it. The girl who initially inspired the whole thing turned me into a fear and less smiles but still she kept her dimples. Everyone on my neck, speaking of change like I don’t grow maybe I should stop being around people who can’t see pain though me. I can’t even tell how my life looks now but all I know is that I’ve got better than the devil’s fake smile.
These days I loss friends and family like time counting number of breaths. I just hope is for better because it’s hard to be sharing a meal with those who backstab while you looking away. Loyalty feels evil if you can’t trust yourself. I don’t even party anymore like I know the need off good times, I’m always trying something new hoping I’m growing mentally. Even when some just wanna be friendly only when it’s beneficial, I just share a smile and hide their imperfection. All the love I know is the one I left in the arms of my mother and those living in the eyes of everyone is hard to believe than the one found in the hearts of my brothers and sisters. This love thing has grown eyes and lost loyalty.
Too scary for me to close my eyes at night, so I turned into an insomnia freak. I kept away the tottering of my demons, I wonder how everyone catch their sleep too easy. This ride got my mind open every night counting my dreams and hoping somewhere they is a God who will eventually save me. I get down on knees and the forehead above the heavens hoping the world stop turning and God takes a moment to listen to my crisis. I always wish and hope one day I will learn to stop complaining and telling the good One what to do and give off thanks.
I always believed I knew better but everyday is a mistake and every night delivers a lesson. I’m not better than anyone because they is still lot of things I’d wish tomorrow that I knew today so to better every decision. I just hope you don’t read this and feel it’s personal, this is surgery to my heart. I’m trying to lift off pain I buried long ago. Six feet under, I hope and pray my dad found peace in his resting. This is the last verse, I just hope I run out of words to mention more tears that is denying me inner peace. I’ll be back again to deliver more scripts. Thank you. Purple Wishes.
Purple Wishes Book Coming May 2017.